My Walk on the Dark Side

Gemma Teller Morrow, SOA

My usual Mary Sunshine persona is currently in quarantine. My inner Gemma wants to be the focus of today’s post.

I accept her as a part of who I am. I have written novels featuring the woman who is that side of me. She is Rhiannon. She is Rachel. She is Puabi.

Perfection, I submit, is overrated.

So since I’m taking a walk on the dark side, I thought I would share the journey. That’s what I do here. And I reach a really good conclusion, so please read on. I think you’re going to like this.

My Inner Gemma

“Gemma” is a reference to Katy Segal’s unforgettable character in Sons of Anarchy. She was kind of scary and extremely protective of her family. I’ve been a little bit scary lately. In Walmart, I scold people who aren’t wearing masks. I yelled at a small gang of young men this past weekend, and my poor husband had to step in front of me and stare them down. I was like that chick in a bar who says, “Oh yeah? My boyfriend’ll kick your ass!” to a gang of bikers. To be fair, that was the day we lost our 17 year old cat, Glory, but she’s getting a post of her own.

I’m on a roll, so let me continue the confession. I sense you are enjoying this. I actually printed up a sheet of business cards to hand out to those who wear their masks under their noses, should I encounter them when forced to leave my lair. Here, I’ll show you.

So yeah. I am taking a walk on the dark side.

I’ve been yelling at people on Facebook all week. And I have said mean things to them. Funny as hell, usually, but mean. And you know what? They had it coming. I hold them responsible for matching the vibe of my inner Gemma. Don’t ef with me when I’m in this mood, dude.

What if it's not a bad thing?

It occurs to me to wonder, what if all vibrations are good vibrations? (Now The Beach Boys are stuck in my head. Thanks, Universe.) But hear me out on this. No, wait, even more clearly: Vibrations aren’t good or bad. They just are.

And who says our vibration is always supposed to be high? It’s clear to me, more than ever before, that we need to experience the lower vibrations every now and then, just to stir some shit up. Contrast creates change. And I am ready for some change. Big change. Cultural, societal, global, progressive change.

OMG I just thew my hands in the air and yelled “I GOT IT!” Because THAT was good. CONTRAST is what creates the desire for change, and the desire for change creates the change. So all this contrast we are experiencing is creating the change we desire. And by exploring the contrast, I will personally experience a greater, more well-defined change.

So I’ve dipped a little. I’m swimming around in this new contrast, and frankly, I am fascinated by it. We are living through history. I kind of want to be a part of it. I want to experience the magic, firsthand. I want to follow along. I want to dip into the contrast, so I can feel it and explore it. So I can KNOW it. I feel like I’m evolving at warp speed, and I think we all are, both individually and collectively. I’m kind of enjoying the anger and the passion and the cause. It’s thrilling, frankly.

I know the way back

I know how to get back. I bounce back to my default high vibration, or inner Kristen Bell, reliably. More than reliably, it’s like a rubber band. I snap back inevitably. I can return to high vibe, white-lighter status again any time I want to. I can meditate. I can go outside. I can take a nap. I can eat some chocolate. I can make love with my husband. I can watch my koi fish. I can lose myself and open my connection by writing or by reading. The written word has always been my portal.

So I give myself permission to let Gemma out here and there. Sometimes the best feeling thought I can find is to smack down a hater. I say, go for it, then. I just won’t stay long, and I’ll bounce right back up again.

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